Today I woke up furious
Every day, most of us have to go to work. Many will have to deal with other people either colleagues or customers or co-workers; everyone of us has a personal life that can or cannot be going well in a certain morning. In other words, we all have a mood that is highly influenced by surrounding circumstances.
A toothache or the period can severely change our mood towards the negative side; the mortgage payment being late and our bank account being empty might create frustration and desperation; a great sex experience could trigger great satisfaction the next day; just to mention some normal situations we all live.
By the way, it is not only at work that we deal with people, it is our boyfriend, the kids, the wife, the neighbor or the other driver in front of us. We deal with people every day and every moment of the day: buying our coffee or donuts or breakfast.
My point is we interact with others every day and our mood affect significantly the way we communicate and behave but, the others also are affected by their own circumstances, therefore, the behavioral equation has 5 components that are equally important:
Us
Them
Our environment at a certain point of time
Their environment
The circumstances of the moment when the two interact
Let's use an example. I am happy this morning, had a great night with my friends, I paid my debts, work is under control and the Sun is shining. I go out to buy some groceries. Smile to everyone, walk around the store aisles happy looking for my goods. The cashier was a nice lady in her forties, she smiles at me and we joke. Everything is perfect until I go out and I see a car parked blocking my car and the owner is nowhere to be seen.
Instinctively, I look at my watch and realize I only have 15 minutes left to go home, have breakfast and leave for the meeting with the Company VP to present my results. I look around and the driver is nowhere to be seen. Walk to the store door and ask one of the employees (who was playing with his cellular) if he saw the owner of that car. He said no and comes back to his game.
I walk back to my car and honked my car horn. Nothing.
I now have only 10 minutes left or I’m gonna be late.
I walked fast to Customer Service counter and explain, they called using the store speaker system. Nothing.
5 minutes left.
I am becoming a mad bull by the seconds, what was a pretty happy nice man became almost a wild animal.
Finally, running from the drugstore, a guy in his pajamas (can you believe this, his pajamas!!!) comes running, gets into his car and begins to start the car until he realizes I am standing in front of his car yelling. God, never imagined I was able to say so many bad words in such a short period of time.
The guy rolls down the window, looking at me with watery eyes just said:
"I'm sorry, I accidentally spilled my very hot coffee over my 5 years old son's hands and he is in terrible pain, I didn't have anything to give him, I am desperate; please let me go"
I felt so bad, just moved aside and stayed there thinking. Of course, I was late but a phone call was enough to explain and reschedule but, this guy, he has his little son badly hurt at home.
The lesson is simple: we never know what is going on with the others, they might be about to kill us in a road rage accident or willing to speak to us and joke because they are happy. We know our circumstances, we know what is going on with us but, we cannot control others nor the environment during the time of an encounter with others.
It is something that takes time but we need to learn to separate our own feelings and circumstances from the relationship with others (I am not talking about intimate relationships family or love type but work, our life in the street, our coworkers). We cannot let our mood dictate our behavior with others.
